I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, just as I did. We visited with everyone and had a great time. From playing the Wii to filling our tummies with as much BBQ (vinegar based, not mustard based), stuffing, and sausage-cheese balls as we could handle.

With all of the great food, came lots of wacky bg numbers. So, not only did my numbers decide to be weird just because they could before all the holiday festivities could get here, they act up even more when all the good food is available to be eaten. I normally don’t make a big scene and just eat even if I am high just so no one will judge and ask questions as to why I’m not eating. But this year was different. I was demined to not let them get too out of control. So, I endured the questions and weird looks when I was sitting off to myself or by my husband and not eating for a few minutes. I did go ahead and bolus for at least 60g of carbs on the way to some people’s houses, which made it easier, but I didn’t at his family’s gathering (they’re unpredictable with when the food will be ready). All in all, I think my highest was around 270-ish, and that was at that particular dinner. Otherwise, I did pretty good, staying under 200 for my peaks and around 130 otherwise.

Of course, Christmas day, we got a full day of the good ole “southern snow” as we call it… LOTS and LOTS of rain! If we ever get snow, it’s usually not even an inch, and is gone by the time the sun is up long enough to shine on it and melt it. We had so much rain, that it started puddling up to the door at my husband’s family’s “Gathering Building”. (It used to be the family business’ office, but it’s now sort of a gathering hall for family events.) Now, granted, this is a building that is built on a concrete slab, but it is somewhat raised. We had to use another exit door to get out because the door that’s usually used had water right in front of it. My sister in law even made the comment “Santa brought us a pond for Christmas!”, and he did! I have never worn rain boots, but I would have LOVED to have had some that day!

So, since we couldn’t play outside, we stayed inside and played “laser mouse” with the cats. I promise, that is the best $2 I have ever spent! Here’s a couple of quick videos of them:

and:

I will try to get back into my routine of blogging once a week when the holidays are past. Until then, happy holidays!

Amidst the hurry and rush of the holiday season, I wanted take a minute to write and tell every one of my diabetic friends Merry Christmas.

Even though there will be lots of gift exchanges and hugs among family here, the best gift is the friendship and support you guys have given me. And to me, that’s the best gift ever!!!

So, Merry Christmas, and give yourselves a big hug for me!

Sarah

Merry Christmas from me and Lucky!

A1c results are here!!!!

Drum roll please…..

………

OMG! I didn’t expect that! I was looking more for a 6.4 or something! I am totally and completely shocked at this moment! It really hasn’t sunk in yet.

But of course, I couldn’t have done it without my wonderful support group of family and friends! Thank you, everyone!

I went for my endo appointment this morning. Everything went well, only changing one basal rate. Dr C. said that looking at my numbers from my PDM and my averages from the Dexcom, my A1c should still be in the 6’s this time.

At the end of the appointment, I asked his opinion of pregnancy. This has always been a touchy subject for me with my endos because they either have this attitude of “We really don’t need to discuss that right now” or “You absolutely cannot get pregnant unless you are at or under 5.5 under my care.” He said that as far as he was concerned, as long as this A1c came back in the 6’s, I have the green light. Now, yes, I know it will probably be best if I wait until I have it closer to 6.0, but just to hear his words of “you’ll have the green light” was music to my ears.

So, until I have the results (which should be this time next week), I have the game of “Red light, Green light” playing in my head.

So, I was shopping in Wal-Mart during my lunch break, and thinking that since I had been high all morning (upper 100′s to low 200′s, which didn’t seem to be budging), I thought I’d just get something to snack on for lunch when I left.

Well, I was looking through the purses trying to find a bigger one to carry all of my d-supplies, when suddenly everything went black. I couldn’t see the racks… the floor… nothing. I stood very still and things came back, but left just as I went to move again. I checked my CGM (which was in my purse). I didn’t know it had vibrated to let me know I was dropping. I went from being 156 to 72 within 30 minutes. It then alerted me that I was dropping faster. So, off to the pharmacy to get some glucose tabs. I had completely forgotten in my panic that I had starbursts in my pocketbook for times like this. Things were still going in and out, but I was making it there. It seemed that as long as I looked straight ahead or in one direction only, I was okay. But if I moved my eyes or blinked in the slightest bit, everything was gone again.  This is starting to be my only symptom of a low. I don’t get the tingly lips or shaky hands anymore. I get the panic feeling and sporadic blackness.

On my way to the checkout after grabbing a big bottle of glucose tabs, I was trying to open them to eat a few. I didn’t care if security cameras caught me. At the rate I was going, I was going to be passed out in a few minutes anyway. The stupid little plastic/paper protective seal was stuck… very well. I could not get it to budge. I pulled and pulled, nothin… Whaddaya do when the seal won’t come off?

Grab something else. I quickly grabbed a bag of Raisinets. I absolutely love these and have had to learn to stay away from them, but they were there, I was low… so I got them. Bad thing is, it was the King size bag. I didn’t even think to look at the carbs to make sure it wasn’t over my 30 gram max. I just figured I’d eat half the bag and save the rest for later. Yeah, right… That bag was GONE in no time. Ugh, I hate when I do that. I go into panic mode and don’t think like a “good” diabetic should and get something reasonable, I go for the bad stuff. The stuff that you know after you eat it, you’ll come up and hit the roof.

I am okay now. After waiting about 15 minutes, I checked my bg with my PDM and sure enough, I was only back to 70. I don’t know how low I really was. It seems as though I have leveled off at 138 now, thanks to the handy reverse correction I took for that 56g of carb bag of goodness.

Am I the only one that does this? Do you still panic? How did you learn to get past it?

I made a video slide of the 12 days of Christmas, but the presents are diabetes supplies! Enjoy.

It is 1:44am. I am still wide awake thanks to the cup if coffee I enjoyed shortly before bed, not realizing I got the regular instead of decaf. Normally, this mix up probably wouldn’t have affected me with all the Diet Mountain Dew running through my veins instead of blood, but since cutting back from multiple 20oz bottles per day to one, caffeine tends to do weird things to me now. I actually know what it feels like to get that racing heart due to caffeine now. I never realized it before. I can’t go to sleep now after drinking anything caffienated. I’m actually jumpy with it my system. But, since it is so late and I am up, and hubby is sleeping soundly beside me, I am lying here…in the dark…mind bouncing from one topic to the other.
One topic that keeps coming to mind is my diabetes management. I have been fighting it for the past few weeks and either it’s finally got the best of me or the caffeine is talking. One thing my mind seems to love to do is think in chain-thoughts. You know, where one thought leads to another, which leads to another? Well, this is the journey leads me on tonight.
First off, I started thinking of how I forgot to get that prescription for the glucogon kit and I need to get that this week. Then that leads to the question of “Do I keep it with me at all times or do I get 2 – one to keep at home and one to keep at the office?” which lead to “OMG, what happens if I fall out at work! What will Mr. Bossman do! Could he give me the shot? What if he found me passed out? Would he know if I’m low or high? Then again, he’d probably call an ambulance to take me to the hospital. What if it turns out I was really high? My doctor would probably want to take me off of the Omnipod since he thinks it causes way too many unexplained highs. Then that would mean shots again. I could handle them again, I suppose. But I hate the lenthy process it takes when eating out. Because of my shyness and embarrassment of diabetes and wanting to be normal, that requires a plan. Find the restaurant, decide on a meal based on what CalorieKing on my iPhone shows has the closest amount of carbs I am allowing for that meal, check bg, and take shot before going into the restaurant as to avoid people stairing at me. Why? Because it is embarrasing to me to do this in public because it feels like every eye is on me, watching and wondering why I am doing what I’m doing. Then, while going inside after doing my bgcheck and insulin shot, I’ll be praying that there isn’t a hold up in getting our order ready since I have timed it down to 5 minute window as to how long it takes to sit down, order, and receive the food. It has happened before where there was a problem and it took an hour and a half to get our food. I had to supplement my oncoming low with a coke and re-give insulin when the food came for my meal.”
All of this lead to my angry thoughts of diabetes. “Why? Why is there such a thing? What happened in one person’s genetic makeup that started this chain?Why do we have to deal with this? Why am I broken?” My husband hates when I use this term. He constantly tells me I’m not broken, but it’s how I feel inside, especially on the hard days. I feel like I am a piece of pottery that has a blemish. One that most people can’t see, although the potter knows I have it. I am still useful, but I have to be taken care of a special way, otherwise the one little spot that is broken will start a chain reaction and cause other parts to break, eventually leading to the pottery crumbling.
Yes, I know this is depressing, long post. But I feel like I am about to crumble from trying to build myself up and fake being happy. Truth be told, I’m not happy. I’m not content. I am frustrated as heck with diabetes because of the normal life it takes from me, and you, every single day. I feel as if I have been stuck in a rut for the past few weeks that I just can’t seem to pull myself out of. And tonight, in the quiet, my mind isn’t letting up. It isn’t playing fair.

2:34am now. I am going to try to think positively now. I have vented as much as I think I possibly can tonight. I am going to do my best to get to sleep. Goodnight.

Yesterday was definitely a Monday for me. Nothing seemed to work right. It seemed like everything I touched turned bad, quickly. From customers arguing over insurance prices to my computer not wanting to work when all I needed to do was process a simple payment transaction. Not to mention, my bg’s did NOT want to cooperate at all. I normally don’t get upset to the point of wanting to cry, but yesterday almost pushed me to that line. I was so glad to get home and close my eyes just for a little while to escape.

After talking for a little while with my hubby, I held my cat, Lucky. He’s such a good cat. The way we got him wasn’t the normal way of waiting for a momma cat to have kittens or going to get one from the adoption shelter. I was actually leaving work one day and I heard a kitten meowing. I looked, and there was this little kitten, not much bigger than your hand, running up and down Main street, dodging cars. I have never been much of an animal activist or anything, but there was something about that kitten that pulled at my heart. I tried to get him, but he was too scared and was running everywhere looking for a place to hide. After following him through a parking lot of the bank across the street, he hid under a car’s tire. I finally got him out and he was covered in car grease (from the tire, I assume). I took him home and we bathed him and tried to comfort him. He was such a little thing. He shook all night, but he was warming up to us. He found Erik’s tummy to be the best place to sleep! The next day, I took him to the vet and everything checked out okay.

That was about a year and a half ago. He’s now fully grown, and just as cute and sweet (although he is known to test my patience at times!). There’s still something about him that gets to my heart. He always knows when I’m upset. So, yesterday, he must have known I had a bad day. After I picked him up to hold him, he didn’t squirm or anything. He just simply laid his head on my shoulder as if to say, “It’s okay… I’m here now”.

I was on fabecook today and my friend posted a link to create a JibJab ElfYourself video. I couldn’t help myself. I have always liked these, so I had to do it. Here it is for you guys: