He Held Me

1:30 am. Heart racing. Weird dream. Where am I? I must be low again.

*click-click* (light turns on) “You low?”

“Yeah….” Beeep Beeep… 27! “Crap! Yeah, I’m 27.”

For Emergencies D365-11Get to the kitchen… juice….. oh crap I feel sick. “Get the glucagon!”

“Where is it?”

“On my night stand.” Things are going yellow. I gotta sit down. “If I pass out, rememer, put the stuff into the bottle, swirl it, put it in my thigh.”

“Here! Drink!”

 I can’t see. Everything is yellow. Why aren’t my arms moving?

“Sarah! Drink!!! Come on. …. Sarah? You still with me? Come on, you gotta drink!”

Why am I wet? Everything is so… hot and cold.

“I gotta get more juice tomorrow. We’re out. Here’s the last of the orange juice. I put sugar in it. Drink the rest of this…”

Vision is coming back. I must be coming up. “Hand me a pop-tart – something with substance.”

 

Erik sat beside me holding me until I felt like I could stand. It had taken 30 minutes and 3 or 4 glasses of sugared juice to come up to 74. I don’t remember what all was said, but the above is the jist of it. It felt like an eternity. I don’t remember what it was like to pass out when I was 7yrs old, but I do know that between last night and the low I had last week is enough to scare the ever-living-crap out of me. It gives me chills to know that it’s just that easy to go from one number before bed (174, as a matter of fact) and to wake up only 2-3 hours later bottoming out and relying on someone else to keep you here. I think that’s the part that bothers me the most. I have to rely on someone else. There comes a point that sometimes in some situations I, myself, cannot do anything about what is going on because my body isn’t allowing me to. I hate that feeling with every bit of my being.

I hate that my diabetes is something that Erik has to worry about too. He has so much going on that I don’t want to add to his stress. I hate that diabetes requires the attention of not only myself, but of him too. This isn’t his disease, and I hate that it has become just as much a part of his life as it is mine. He didn’t ask for all of this when he married me, but he took it on anyway. And he was my rock last night. He handled everything perfectly. He stayed calm through it and held me when it was over.

For those of you wondering where my Dexcom was and why it didn’t alarm, it was because I had terrible headaches all weekend and I finally had to resort to taking Tylenol again. And, as you may know, Tylenol and Dexcom sensors don’t play nice, so I chose to forego the Dexcom to try to get some relief. I put the Dexcom back on this morning, and I have an appointment at my OB’s office tomorrow. I’m going to ask if there’s anything else that is safe to take during pregnancy that won’t cause me to have to take off my Dexcom. The headaches are bad, but the lows are getting too dangerous. I’m stuck between a rock and a hardplace and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

16 thoughts on “He Held Me”

  1. Oh Sarah, how scary! I don’t have any advice for you, but I just wanted to offer my agreement and empathy for Erik. I had a bad low this weekend (only 49, not like your 27!) and Trey brought me a juice bottle while I kept telling him to leave me alone and let me sleep. I hope you get things figured out and things settle out for you. I can’t imagine having all these scary lows while being pregnant with your little bean. You and Erik will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. OMGsh….I’m crying. I can’t stand it. Oh, Sarah! When my daughter was very young (2-3 years), she used to pass out all the time. Since getting her pump 4 years ago, these episodes have dramatically decreased, but we’ve still had some close calls. The thing is, though, that she hasn’t really been able to verbalize what she’s feeling. She just moans and cries…..and then I read your experience, and I feel a sense of desperation teetering between wanting so badly to understand exactly what she’s going through and not wanting to know because it scares me.

    Here’s our Glucagon experience: http://www.candyheartsblog.com/2010/09/epic-low.html

    As a T3, I can tell you undoubtedly that your husband would do ANYTHING to ensure your safety. He WANTS you to know he’s there….he wants to be your rock.

    I hope you can find the answers you’re looking for and I’ll keep you (and that sweet baby) in my prayers.

  3. Im shaking and in tears reading this. Im so glad youre ok !!!! God bless Eric and as Wendy said he loves you and wants you safe. He did a good job. So give him a hug from me. And then one for you and the baby.

    I love u! ((((hugs)))))

  4. Oh my, yay for husbands! My husband had to do this for me too many times while pregnant. You’re in the middle of the diabetes pregnancy storm. It does get better very soon I promise! Soon you’ll be needing more insulin and the crazy lows should subside. Until then, you guys hang in there and keep being safe. You’re doing great! The only thing I did that helped during this time of lows was to test more often. I set nighttime alarms to wake me every two hours in order to catch scary lows. It was tiring but it helped me turn lows in the 30’s into lows in the 40’s and 50’s.

  5. I’m so sorry you BOTH had to go through this. I had a terrible low too in my first tri and it was just awful, I felt many of the same emotions you are going through and really, you just have to let yourself feel down for a little bit and then move on as best you can ( you can read about my low here – http://sweetchild-of-mine.blogspot.com/2010/08/lowest-of-lows.html).

    Just know that you’re doing the best you can and that it does get better once you get through the 1st tri, although I know it’s scary. I don’t have any advice on the headaches, but I hope your doc can figure out something. Give your hubby a big hug, and take care of yourself!

  6. Oh my! Those episodes are so scary! Diabetes and pregnancy are so hard together! If it gives you any hope, you’re almost at the end of the period when you’ll be getting random lows. Right around the 15th week, your insulin needs will start to head up and the lows won’t be so much of a problem. Until then, I hope you can get some solutions from the doctor!

  7. I struggle with this. I can deal with diabetes (mostly), but I hate that in order to be with someone else in this world I have to ask them to deal with it as well. It isn’t fair. I don’t talk about her much online, but my girlfriend has been so supportive of my diabetes, and I don’t have to hide it and suppress my REAL life with diabetes (as opposed to how I present it sometimes as being no big deal). We deal with the diabetes stupidity ever day, and some days are better than others. She hasn’t had to deal with me when a low decides to take over (yet), and it’s frightening, and frustrating, and I don’t want to put her in that position. Yet, odds are good that I will have to at some point. I feel like I’m asking so much, because you can never predict a severe low, and odds are good that I’ll need her just like you needed Erik. It drives me crazy, and makes me hate diabetes just that much more. I guess the good thing is that this side of diabetes is not the norm, and isn’t what happens every day with diabetes. For all the bad, thankfully there is still so much good.

  8. Hi Sarah, I’m a mom of a 7 year old T1 and your story really broght me to tears! I am so sorry that you are having these lows, especially during your pregnancy. My daughter can never put into words the way that she feels when she is low, high or in a situation as you described. I HAD NO IDEA what she is going through. I mean, I knew she wasn’t having a party inside! BUT, I am so emotional after reading this. THANK YOU for sharing your experience…it really does help me to understand what my daughter goes through. And I agree with Wendy and the others who have commented above…I would bet that Erik could not imagine being there for you in ANY and EVERY way possible. I do not pretend to understand how you feel, but I KNOW how he feels about someone that he loves dealing with T1 all day every day. Hugs and prayers to you and your precious package!

  9. How scary. I guess I have fooled myself into thinking that my son will never experience a low like this and we have gotten lazy with the glucagon. I’m not sure I could find it quickly. I’m so happy you have a wonderful husband. I am always telling my son that he will need to pick a solid girl…… not a flighty selfish type, for this very reason. But some days it seems unfair that I have to mention that at all.

  10. Sarah, I am so glad you are OK, and very glad that Erik was there to help you. This is one of my deepest fears about living alone and one of the reasons that when I have middle of the night lows, I keep my phone in my hand so hopefully, at the very least, I can eek out the numbers “911” if nothing else.

    I know pregnancy makes the lows worse, and I know things will get better. Hang in there! ((HUGS))

  11. I’m glad you’re OK. I’ve struggled with the same emotions in the aftermath of my recent low and it breaks my heart to watch what it’s done to my husband’s peace of mind. He’s getting better though. I still hate it.

  12. Glad he was there, Sarah. These are scary and it’s invaluable to have those loved ones there to care for us when needed. That’s the hardest thing, though: knowing what we do to them and put them through, whether they signed up for it or not. That guilty feeling never goes away and always stays with me, personally.

  13. Oh my – I have chills and tears running down my cheeks. I am so glad he was there for you and as a T3 — taing care of my T1 is my pleasure. I bet he was so happy to be there for you!! I am so glad you are ok and so sorry you experiencing these lows.

    I look forward to following your blog!

    Al the best –

  14. I knew I should have skipped this post when Misty said she cried… My WORST nightmare. I am such a sucker!!!
    I am glad you are okay. I hope that, one day, Justin meets someone as caring as Erik(girl version, of course).

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