Yesterday was a pretty cool day… minus the stomach bug that kept me in bed the whole day.
I turned 28 years old…. on the 28th. That day will never be able to happen again for me.
Kinda cool and sad all at the same time.
But, I celebrated nonetheless with a cupcake and a wish for happiness forever. Diabetes even played nice because since my fever broke around 9pm, I my bg started to plummet, so I got to enjoy my cupcake (slowly) without needing to bolus! FTW!
Thank you, everyone, for the birthday wishes. You helped make my special day brighter and more special.
My sweet, adorable, loveable munchkin, you are ONE year old.
This past month, I have been remembering our steps up until this day exactly one year ago. From the agonizing swelling that made my feet look like marshmallows to all the way to the Friday before you were born when I was called in to the hospital for an emergency visit because my platelet count had dropped so dangerously low. All of those nights of not being able to sleep comfortably anywhere in the entire house come flooding back, along with the pain and fear of each contraction. The rush of the day before when we had the final visit to the OB’s office where they said they would admit me THAT night, and we had only three hours to get our stuff in order and be back at the hospital. The nerves that surrounded your dad and I to know that when we would return, we would have you in tow, separately… outside of me…
And, boy, have our worlds changed. You have grabbed us both by the heart strings and held on tight. Every move you make, every sound you utter, every smile that crosses your face grows our hearts to sizes we never knew possible. Every whine, whimper, cry, and pain you have felt has broken our growing hearts as well, but I know that it’s all a part of loving you and taking care of you and growing with you.
As for this month, you’re becoming more adventurous. You haven’t walked on your own, but you are a champ at pulling up and holding on tight to whatever you can walk along with for stability. We are finding a bazillion things every day it seems that we have to say “No! Not that! Don’t eat that! Don’t pull that!” And you get SO mad! Holy cow! I know you just want to play and have fun, but we just want to do what’s best and protect you. You hear “no” a lot now too since you’re learning that mommy has something attached to her with a cord. You want to play with the box and buttons, and pull on the cord, to which I have to pry it out of your hand and tell you “no”. You don’t understand what it is or why you can’t have it right now, so you get upset. I promise, honey, I’ll explain everything as best as I can until you know what my pump is and why I have to have it.
You’re also being weaned off of baby food and formula to Almond milk and table food. It’s taken me hours and hours to research this choice, but I believe that it’s the best for you. I’ve read too much about soy and it’s possible effects on the endocrine system, plus it’s already ingrained and infiltrated into too many products as it is now, so I don’t feel safe with you also drinking it.
Some good news on the dairy front is you seem to be starting to outgrow your dairy allergy, or at least be able to tolerate dairy a bit better. This past week was your Papa-T’s birthday, and out of curiosity, we let you have some cake without the icing. You absolutely loved it. We cautiously watched and waited for the vomit fest that we were sure would ensue within a few minutes… but it didn’t. You did break out in a patch of hives on your belly and chest area, but they went away very quickly after using your medicine on the area. Your dad and I were so happy! Our worries about your birthday cake and future parties eased a bit knowing that though you still had a reaction, it wasn’t a terrible one like you’ve had before. We’ve tried it again since then, and same thing – a few hives, but no vomiting. You’ve had uncooked diary as well, but that was a definite no-go, so it seems if you do have any dairy, it must be baked. And that’s progress! Your cake for your party will still be diary-free just because we don’t want to take any chance at all on your big day.
My baby, you’ll never know what a blessing you have been to me and your dad. We’ve been through SO much already together. We never knew what a challenge this would be when we brought you home, but that doesn’t change one ounce of the way we feel about your or the amount of love we have for you. God has blessed us with the most precious thing we could ever imagine.
Last night, I was scrolling through some old posts and once again found this one. My very first post. Seeing as how it’s the eve of my baby boy’s FIRST birthday, I thought it’d be appropriate to repost it, with an updated picture of Kip’s foot. My!, how things have changed in three years!!!! And I wouldn’t trade a bit of it for the world!
Today, my mind decides to play visions of a happy little baby/toddler in mine and my husband’s life. Thinking of how it would be having a “daddy’s little girl” in a cute pink dress sitting in his lap, or walking around trying to reach up to us to hold her. Or maybe a little boy… “Little E” (my husband’s nickname is “Big E” because he’s 6’3″ former college football player) running around with toy Transformers (my husband’s favorite cartoon growing up… still collects the toys from it) or going hunting/fishing/whatever with Uncle Alex and coming home to tell me all about the “BIG BUCK” they saw.
Only problem is, we don’t have that baby neither here or on the way. With my A1c not being on target for pregnancy, and trying everything in our power not to get pregnant, it seems to be that one thing that I want but can’t have. And it’s not like a new house or new car, but just that part of me that wants to be complete… that part of me that my cats can’t take the place of. Although with times as they are with the recession and all, it’s probably not the wisest thing to do right now. And yes, I know, that when the time is right, God will make a way for us to be able to have our little munchkin.
So, until then, I have my goal to work on for my A1c and two loving cats to be my babies.
A big thank you to all of you guys who have helped give me encouragement throughout this wonderful journey. I don’t want to think about how hard it would have been not having your support.
Today, my blog is 3 years old. In essense, time has flown, yet it has stood still.
Looking from my first post and throughout the posts over time, you can see one thing is evident as to what this blog was about. Not only diabetes… but pregnancy. The dream I had then of a baby boy or girl came true, and now that baby boy will be 9 months old this week. And while I am so, so, so very thankful to have him, I’m still searching for that “completeness” of family.
Erik and I have talked about it several times, and we do want one more child. And just as with my first post, I know it can happen, it will just be in God’s timing. Until then, I have to get myself straightened back up. I worked on my control and had it inline for 2 years before BabyK came into our lives, and I can do it again (I think). My last A1c was unacceptable in my eyes (well, and for good reason… 9.0 is just a weeee bit outta range), and I’ve got to get it back down. But just as any change in my life for me, it has to come in increments. So even though it still won’t be the golden 7 or below, I’ll be happy if I can get it down to 8.0-8.5 range this next time. Then maybe 7.5-8.0 the next. And hopefully, land somewhere in the 6.0-6.5 range like I did before pregnancy and be able to hold it there. It’s just a process of relearning myself and being comfortable again with seeing numbers like 82 mg/dl and not going into a panic attack and eventually “treating” it.
Who knows, maybe three years from now, I’ll be posting about the TWO munchkins I have, one almost 4 years old and the other 9 or 10 months old. And this time, I am dreaming of them, covered in dirt from making mud pies, holding up their little hands as if to say, “YEY, mom, look at us!”, with daddy, shaking his head behind us.
Thank you, to all of my readers. You are one of the biggest reasons I keep writing. (That, and if I didn’t, I fell sure I’d be insane by now! LOL) Now, let’s all go get cupcakes to celebrate!