I Sowwy

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I didn’t want to do it.

I don’t want to ever be thought of as “disabled”.

Yet, because I requested it, I feel as if I have said that I am.

 

Yesterday, I bit the bullet and tried to cancel my gym membership because to be honest, while I can still exercise, I can’t exercise like I used to until after the pregnancy. And truth be told, I just don’t see the point of having the gym draft out of my account $30 a month just for me to walk on a friggin treadmill when I have a park down the road from me that I can walk around with a family member for free or I can use my WiiFit on rainy days when Erik is home. That’s money that can go in the savings account for when I’m out on maternity leave.

Also, I have to have someone go with me, and since my mother-in-law has a weird work schedule and my husband has been working pretty much double shifts (if you can call them that) at work (the only two who have gym memberships that live close to me), there’s no one to go with me right after work. And I’m sorry, but I’m not waiting until 8pm to go and then end up low before bed. I’m just not willing to do that. It’s hard enough figuring out the needed adjustments from week to week without throwing a monkey wrench of unscheduled workouts in there.

So, when I went to cancel it, they asked me why. So I told them. It’s partially because of money, and partially because of the amount of regulation it would take with my diabetes. I explained the lows that followed me all through the first trimester, and even still some now, and that with everything else going on, I can’t have someone with me to watch after me and I didn’t think it would be safe for me to come and workout alone and then them find me passed out on the floor from a low. Of course, then I got the common southern phrase of “Oh, bless your heart!” along with the explanation of what I could do.

My options are these: 1) I could cancel the gym membership and rejoin after the baby is born. But, to do that, I would have to go back through the approval process of getting a doctors note signed that I could exercise, pay an enrollment plus one month fee, and start my progress all over again in their system OR 2) I could get a doctors note saying that due to the lows during pregnancy, it wasn’t safe for me to workout, and they would put my account on a 6month freeze from April to October and after the freeze was up, I could come back.

So, I did it. I went with option 2 first to see if Dr. C would write the note. I know it sounds backwards to have your endo tell you NOT to exercise, especially if you’re pregnant, but I explained in my fax just what I’ve explained to you guys. I just don’t feel comfortable going without someone with me just in case there were to be a low or something. I also told him in the fax that if he didn’t want to write it, I would understand and I’ll just go with option 1 and cancel the membership. Who knows, by then my situation may not even have time and I’ll keep up the walking in the park – just with a strollered baby or I’ll do Zumba (Lord knows I miss that!!!) twice a week again outside of the gym.

I just hate that I did it. I hate that it sounds like I’m disabled. I hate that I used diabetes as an excuse after all the progress I’ve made to not make it an excuse for anything in my life any longer. I know I have to do what’s safe for me and the baby, but it’s the whole idea behind it.

It embarrasses me.

I feel like I’ve embarrassed the whole DOC.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.