He Held Me

1:30 am. Heart racing. Weird dream. Where am I? I must be low again.

*click-click* (light turns on) “You low?”

“Yeah….” Beeep Beeep… 27! “Crap! Yeah, I’m 27.”

For Emergencies D365-11Get to the kitchen… juice….. oh crap I feel sick. “Get the glucagon!”

“Where is it?”

“On my night stand.” Things are going yellow. I gotta sit down. “If I pass out, rememer, put the stuff into the bottle, swirl it, put it in my thigh.”

“Here! Drink!”

 I can’t see. Everything is yellow. Why aren’t my arms moving?

“Sarah! Drink!!! Come on. …. Sarah? You still with me? Come on, you gotta drink!”

Why am I wet? Everything is so… hot and cold.

“I gotta get more juice tomorrow. We’re out. Here’s the last of the orange juice. I put sugar in it. Drink the rest of this…”

Vision is coming back. I must be coming up. “Hand me a pop-tart – something with substance.”

 

Erik sat beside me holding me until I felt like I could stand. It had taken 30 minutes and 3 or 4 glasses of sugared juice to come up to 74. I don’t remember what all was said, but the above is the jist of it. It felt like an eternity. I don’t remember what it was like to pass out when I was 7yrs old, but I do know that between last night and the low I had last week is enough to scare the ever-living-crap out of me. It gives me chills to know that it’s just that easy to go from one number before bed (174, as a matter of fact) and to wake up only 2-3 hours later bottoming out and relying on someone else to keep you here. I think that’s the part that bothers me the most. I have to rely on someone else. There comes a point that sometimes in some situations I, myself, cannot do anything about what is going on because my body isn’t allowing me to. I hate that feeling with every bit of my being.

I hate that my diabetes is something that Erik has to worry about too. He has so much going on that I don’t want to add to his stress. I hate that diabetes requires the attention of not only myself, but of him too. This isn’t his disease, and I hate that it has become just as much a part of his life as it is mine. He didn’t ask for all of this when he married me, but he took it on anyway. And he was my rock last night. He handled everything perfectly. He stayed calm through it and held me when it was over.

For those of you wondering where my Dexcom was and why it didn’t alarm, it was because I had terrible headaches all weekend and I finally had to resort to taking Tylenol again. And, as you may know, Tylenol and Dexcom sensors don’t play nice, so I chose to forego the Dexcom to try to get some relief. I put the Dexcom back on this morning, and I have an appointment at my OB’s office tomorrow. I’m going to ask if there’s anything else that is safe to take during pregnancy that won’t cause me to have to take off my Dexcom. The headaches are bad, but the lows are getting too dangerous. I’m stuck between a rock and a hardplace and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.